I remember this one time back in Michigan when I was still a freshman in high school when 3 of us skipped school. Billy, Denny and I decided that it was too nice of a day and we needed to go spend it doing something other than school. As soon as the bus hit the school, we marched downtown and took a back woods trail to the river which wasn’t far off from Billy’s house. We stayed at the river for a couple hours clubbing suckers (fish) because we had to wait for Billy’s parents to leave the house. As soon as we knew they were gone, we made the march to his house.
Once we got there, we opened up the gun cabinet and armed ourselves to the teeth with a couple 12 gauges, a .22 long rifle and an old ass .303 British. After we had plenty of ammunition and a healthy stock of Billy’s Dad’s beer, Billy busted out their brand new lawn mower for some extra entertainment. Seeing as the grass was long, he decided to mow some of it by cutting a big cock and balls pattern right in the front yard. It actually looked pretty good! You could definitely tell what it was due to its sheer size. Once this was complete, Billy then decided we needed a jump for the mower which Denny and I said was a stupid idea because it only went like 5mph. While Billy was riding around looking for a jump, I shot his only basketball, a humming bird with the humming bird feeder and Denny shot a duck out of the shit pond out back. Billy had by then found a neat little mound to jump his mower off of. He was going wide open (5mph) at the mound and as soon as he hit it, the mower deck caught on a root, got yanked back a little bit then got caught under the tires. As soon as the mower deck got caught under the tires it was ripped completely off by the spinning back tires.
We laughed our asses off at Billy’s dumbass move for about an hour straight. He was really bummed because he had no idea how he was going to explain this to his parents. The mower being brand new and all, we knew that his ass was going to be grass when his parents got home. Denny then decided that he was going to ride around on the mower for a little bit before Billy put it away. I was sitting on the porch with a 12gauge and the .303 brit in my hands just waiting for some kind of creature to come by when Denny first took off. He made it about 20ft into the yard and tried going up a little incline when the tires started spinning and he couldn’t go anywhere.
Enter Billy.
Billy seen that the tires were spinning so he got a bright idea to jump on the back of the mower so it would get enough traction for Denny to take off. That mower got some traction alright… as soon as Billy jumped on it, it flipped right completely backwards (still running) and sent both of them flying away from the mower.
This next part happened so fast… I don’t even know man. I’ll do my best to explain it.
It was like a scene from fucking die hard. They both got up off the ground and started running when all of a sudden a mushroom cloud of fire and black smoke exploded right behind them. Apparently when the mower flipped over on its back, it busted the gas tank somehow and managed to turn itself into a 500lb bomb. The mushroom cloud went about 50ft in the air and was about 20ft wide and the whole immediate area around the mower was on fire. We all stood there speechless for a couple minutes trying to figure out what the hell had just happened when Denny says: “Man… and you thought you had some explaining to do about the mower deck.” Denny and I laughed until we cried while Billy just flat out cried. “My parents are going to fucking kill me!!” he kept saying over and over. We finally got the hose and put out the lawn mower and other parts of the yard that were still on fire. Once we had it all put out, we took a look at the mower to see how bad it was.
The explosion was so powerful that it blew all the motor mounts off the engine, melted a hole through one of the tires, melted the gas tank (which was on the back of the mower) damn near into a plastic ball, all the wires burned completely off and everything that was plastic on’er was melted right off. We put it together the best we could, pushed it into the garage and covered it up with a bunch of various items so it wasn’t so visibly noticeable. Once we had it hidden pretty good, we sat on the deck with the guns to come up with a game plan for poor Billy. While we were sitting there discussing various options, billy raised the .22, took careful aim at a stop sign that was about 300yrds away and shot. Instead of hitting the stop sign, he hit a cow that was about another 150yrds past the stop sign… We heard a sickly, death like “mooooo” from the cow and it first took a knee….then another knee….then it just fell right over.
We ran inside, threw the guns into the cabinet, hid all the ammo and ran through the woods back to school as fast as we possibly could.
Billy had gotten home just in time that night from school to see his Dad open up the garage and start walking towards the mower. As soon as he lifted the canvas we had placed over it, he jumped back and gasped. “WHAT ‘D YOU TO IT DAD!?!?!? Billy exclaimed out loud.
Needless to say, Billy got his ass kicked that night and grounded for quite some time after that little stunt. The vision of that mushroom cloud still remains sketched in my mind to this day and I will never forget the look Billy had on his face when we first put the flaming mower out. Great memories of those days I have. Great memories.
Topic: Holy exploding lawn mowers duck man! (Read 161 times)