I feel violated.

[SiDz]

So there I was in the Dr's office awaiting the man to come in. His mission was to figure out what was wrong with my balls as they were hurting like hell for going on 4 days. The moment finally came when the door fluttered open and in came an elderly Gent. by the name of Dr... fuck... forgot his name... but that's irrelevant! He took a quick look at my sac and diagnosed me with epididymitis almost immediately. No, it's not an STD and no, I didn't get it by any kind of sexual encounter. How I DID get it though was by being way entirely too drunk, driving at high speeds on dirt bikes across wide open sandy beach and going over the damn handlebars a few times. Apparently on one of those wrecks my sac got hit so hard that it gave me an infection. How the hell that works I may never know but anyways, what came next nearly made me fall down and whimper like a child. But first, here's some of how our conversation went:

Him -  You drink alot?

Me - A couple days a week.

Him -  How much you drink on those nights?

Me -  I usually never remember stopping.

Him - That's nice.... smoke?

Me  - Pack - two packs a day.

Him - Weed?

Me - Cat got an ass?

Him - .... it sure does! hahaha!  How about unprotected sex?

Me - uhm..... honestly, I don't even remember the last time I used a rubber!

Him - How often and what are the women like? Any reason you would think you've an std?

Me - Well, I haven't fucked anything under 40 in quite a few months... I think.. anyways, usually every couple weeks or if she's really cute as often as possible for about a week then I tell'er to hit the bricks.

Him - HAHAHA!!!! Wow Louis, you're something else. You do realize that the older the gal is, the more of a chance she'll have an STD there is?

Me - Well for sure. But it's hard not too man! The picking is just... to easy!

Him - hahaha, yeah, it sure is. I'll be right back so just sit tight.

...what came next was...something out of my darkest dreams. Only satan himself could conjure up an act so fiendish and evil.

He whips out this little white stick that looks like a pipe cleaner that has the same diameter as a kabob stick and just as long. "Ok Louis, drop'em again!" My mind raced as I finally realized what was about to take place. "Oh fuck! Listen Doc, this isn't necessary! You've already diagnosed me!" My words had no effect though, he was hell bent on jamming that thing down my piss hole as he said it was "mandatory". He told me that it's not so bad and that he's had 3 of them in his life. I just had to ask him: "Three? Jesus. Aren't you Doctors supposed to practice what you preach? You know, protected sex and all that?" he chuckled a little bit and said "Well, not all the time. I've done my share of drinking 'til the fat ones are cute in my day also."

So there he is,  dick in one hand, stick in the other and chasing me across the room on his knees. I was backing up just fast enough where he couldn't stick me, yet not rip my dick off either, until I finally got cornered and he stuck me. Holy FUCK did that shit hurt!! My fucking eyes even began to water!!! I'd rather take wooden plank upside the head then be immediately shot in the face with rock salt at point blank range instead of having that shit done to me again! I've never in my life felt so much pain in such a quick flash of time as I did at that moment.... FUCK!
Then the prick told me to go take a piss right after.... what a dick move. That burned like hell!

Anyways, the balls n' I are doing fine and last night we celebrated by getting all boozed up and raining the bars for women of all shapes n' sizes. But that's a tale for another time =P.